i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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