why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
