her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
