these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
