I wanna bring you to show and tell
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
