i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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