hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
