Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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