I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
