trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
