Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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