You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
