i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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