Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
