3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
