I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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