He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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