I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
