this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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