i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
