you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
