I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
