i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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