i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
