He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
