I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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