yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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