He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we're making bets on your personal life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
