new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We just shotgunned beers for America
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
