Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Randomize
