I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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