Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
