My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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