Redeem this text for a blowjob
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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