**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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