I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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