your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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