you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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