Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
