You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
