You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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