I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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