I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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