Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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