I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
