last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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