If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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