We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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