dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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