You made me cry and you don't even care
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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